my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
