its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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