Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
