I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
