those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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