what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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