im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
