i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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