She's JV to your varsity
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
