party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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