I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
