On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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