wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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