I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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