mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
