you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
