I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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