he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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