Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
