Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
