Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
