I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
