i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
