you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
