At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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