remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i think i have two assholes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
