yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
