We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
