In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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