it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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