My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
