I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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