im drinking this country out of the recession.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
