I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
