I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
