There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
