omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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