If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is it penis luge time yet?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
