Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
