Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.

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(858): View more from California

Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie

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(404): View more from Georgia

I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.

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(705): View more from Ontario

I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.

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