How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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