Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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