You're completely useless in the revolution.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
