nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
