The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
