i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
