I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
