Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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