The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize