If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
