Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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