Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
