After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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