Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
