I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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