i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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