I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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