oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
