She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
