I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
