I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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