It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
