Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
