I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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