and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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