Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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