My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize