...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize