is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
