a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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